dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
