Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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