Your dad touched me again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
