Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
as a side note pls kill me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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