She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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