girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
