Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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