Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I smell stomach acid.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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