It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
