How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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