and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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