I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
