this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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