I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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