I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
