Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
