she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
