I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
