Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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