Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
