i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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