im holly from the hills drunk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I look excited, but its just a facade.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
