Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
