3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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