Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
