My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
