i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
