He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
