as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
