New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
