Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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