At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
