He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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