this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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