i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
