after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
