Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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