if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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