There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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