i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
