DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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