i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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