I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
