does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
