take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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