I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
