Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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