I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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