I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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