come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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