We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
