Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
